Every conversation is a negotiation. I highly recommend reading Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, the best negotiation book ever written.
I made a cheat sheet (below), that you can carry into your negotiations.
You can also download it as a PDF.
People want to be understood and accepted. 2 primal urges:
Listen intensely → demonstrate empathy + show a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing
Smile
Slow. It. Down
Three voices:
Validate someone’s emotion by acknowledging it
Pause to let the label sink in. Other party will fill in the silence
Every 4th verbalization should be a label
Process:
Need to feel in control → get by saying No
Saying Yes makes people defensive
If I hear No →
3 types of Yes
Trigger a No: Is now a bad time to talk?
Might sometimes need to force counterpart into a no:
Subject Line: Have you given up on this project?
Trigger That’s Right with a Summary:
Leads to a bad outcome for both sides, eg 1 black + 1 brown shoe
Defensive move: We just want what’s fair
Nefarious accusation: We’ve given you a fair offer
Positive: I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair and we’ll address it
Bend counterpart’s reality by anchoring the starting point
Phrases to use
Phrases to use
Influence those behind the table
7% content < 38% tone of voice < 55% body language & face
Get them to say yes 3 times
Liars...
Watch pronouns
Use mirroring and open-ended questions in between. Empathize 3x:
Analyst: Acquiring facts & info > making a deal
Accommodator: Building relationship > making a deal
Assertive: Being heard > making a deal
Counterparty will start with an extreme anchor. Get ready to deflect the punch
I don’t see how that would ever work
I feel _____ when you _____ because ____ .
1. Set target price
2. Plan your offers
3. At final offer add non-monetary item to show that I’m at my limit
Use an Accusations Audit to pre-empt the first offer to take the edge off
Positive Leverage: I have something they want
Negative Leverage: My ability to make my counterpart suffer
Normative Leverage: Using the other party’s norms to advance my position
People respond favorably to requests made in a reasonable tone of voice and followed by a because reason (even if the reason isn’t great)
People acting crazy are often not. Instead, counterpart:
The Goal: specific scenario that represents best case
Summary: Couple of sentences about the known facts that have led up to the negotiation. Aim for That’s Right in response
Labels / Accusation Audit: 3-5 labels to perform an accusation audit
Calibrated questions: 3-5 to reveal value & overcome potential deal killers
For my counterpart:
To identify behind-the-table deal killers
To identify and diffuse deal-killing issues
Follow up with labels to their answers to the calibrated questions:
Non-cash offers: list of non-cash items possessed by my counterpart that would be valuable?